So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
