Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
