My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
