addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
