Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
