You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
