I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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