May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
