We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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