It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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