just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
