my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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