i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm passing your future prison.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
