Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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