I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
