its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I deserve this hangover.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
