U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
