Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
