My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
