Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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