I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
