The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
