I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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