Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My liver just had a heart attack.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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