How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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