My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
