I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
