he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
