I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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