i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
