There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
