I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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