Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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