i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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