you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
