Betty ford says i'm here all night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
