Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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