Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
