Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
