Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
