its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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