and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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