nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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