your room smells of hookers.
And success
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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