I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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