I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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