just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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