I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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