Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
