well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
