It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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