look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
